DANCE

I don't know why in my 32nd year of life the urge to dance has suddenly reared it's interpretive head.

As a child my well meaning father pulled some strings to get me into Brent Street Australia's Leading Performing Arts School ("the way to the top") and I remember two things:

• being terrified 
• being asked to leave or join the babies class

Fucking snobs! I was just some kid who'd never danced before save ballet in kindy which I only did for the piece of chocolate we got after the lesson. In fact, my whole performing career has been a bit of a fail, I sung at the Annandale with an ex-band of mine and we all thought it went great. Until some idiot decided to film the gig... Once my band members heard my caterwauling from the audience's perspective they promptly asked me to leave too. Arty snobs are the worst snobs.

I digress. Fast forward to 1998 and a friend of mine asked me to join her for a Step class at Fitness First. I was terrified and uncoordinated but I kept at it. I moved onto aerobics which I believe can teach ANYONE to dance. It's simple moves, it's repetitive and you can see yourself in the mirror so you know if you look like a dick or not. In fact, my 14 odd years of aerobics training finally led me to a dance class, which I comparatively smashed compared to my abysmal earlier efforts.

So now I'm looking to go pro. I want to do one dance class a week and be able to hit the club without clearing the D-Floor. If aerobics took me 14 years to master I'll give myself 20 for dance. See you in da club circa 2313 x